Shakervidz Celebs

First, a disclaimer: If any portion of this book, including the dedication, was actually typed out by any one of the Kardashian sisters and not described to a ghost writer while getting a pedicure, then I am the Queen of England. Anyway, ghost written or not, the names Kourtney: Khloe: Kim- KARDASHIAN are splayed across the garish leopard print cover of “Dollhouse,” the sisters’ literary unveiling. Naturally, the book is about the exciting comings and goings of a “family in the spotlight.” Despite the parallels to their real life (whatever that means for the Kardashians), Kim says it is partly made-up and “you’ll have to decide for yourself which story lines are true to life, and which ones we dreamed up.” We suggest you pair it with Snooki’s novel, A Shore Thing, the combination of which will render you functionally uneducated. That’s ok- reading is for ugly people, anyway.

See the Kardashian sisters- Kim, Kourtney and Khloe- nude and sexy on MrSkin.com!

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have had an on-again, off-again relationship for years, and Timberlake recently hit the “off-again” switch when he declared himself “single” at a Friends with Benefits press event. But Jessica is not one to sit at home and cry into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, no sir- she’s got a multimillion dollar sci-fi reboot to shoot, one that also happens to star a Mr. Colin Farrell. Reports are coming from the set that while Ferrell and Biel haven’t hooked up (at least as far as the little birdies in the crew know), they do have “hot chemistry” and hang out off set, where they are often seen smiling like idiots in each other’s presence. Could Jessica be on her way to for good giving the former N*Sync-er his permanent N*walking papers so she can take a walk on the Irish side? Only time- and the little birdies in the crew- will tell.

Check Out Jessica Biel give the naked perv-formance of a lifetime in Powder Blue (2000) on MrSkin.com!

Look, Ryan Reynolds. You did good when you put a ring on Scarlett Johansson. Everybody knows that that lady is sex on two legs. But you messed up, buddy. You messed up when you left her, but we are here to help you. We are pretty sure you don’t read the paper much, so we’ll fill you in: according to Us Weekly, the former Mrs. Reynolds is now thinking about getting back together with her ex-hubby. A informant told the gossip rag that Scarlett has been calling Reynolds endlessly, asking how he’s been, wanting to meet up: “She’s doing everything possible to get him to take her back. Even saying she?s ready to have a baby.” Seriously, do you have any idea how good looking your child would be? Just pick up the phone, Ryan. You know you want to.

Witness Scarlett Johansson nude at MrSkin.com!

Kelly Osbourne is the daughter of one of the most feared women in rock, Ozzy Osbourne’s wifey and manager Sharon Osbourne, and it looks like she inherited her mother’s sharp tongue. Kelly blunderd out what must have been years of unreleased hatred for Christina Aguilera this weekend at a taping of E’s Fashion Police- when host Joan Rivers remarked that Aguilera was “stuffed into” a dress she wore on the red carpet, Kelly threw this profanity-filled communicatory firebomb:

“Maybe she is just becoming the fat b–h she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c–t to me. She called me fat for so many f–ing years, so you know what? F–k you, you’re fat too.”

Considering it’s been over a year since Kelly debuted her dramatically slimmed-down new body, she must have been keeping that in for a very long time. Moral of the story? Don’t f*ck with an Osbourne- like elephants, they never forget. Not that we’re comparing you to an elephant, Kelly. Please don’t hurt us!

See XXXtina, aka Christina Aguilera, in slimmer days on MrSkin.com!

Paz de la Huerta is famous for being on Boardwalk Empire, but she’s arguably even more famous for being a sizzling mess. Clothes just can’t stay on the girl, and booze just can’t stay out of her. Paz appeared in court this week to face the fruits of her booze-soaked fury- assault charges stemming from a recent incident where she threw a glass at reality show “star” Samantha Swerta. While the court attendance did require her to wear clothes, Paz decided to bring her trademark au naturel panache to the proceedings by stopping in the middle of her security screening to slather her legs with lotion. Alllllllll the way up her legs. Qouth a stunned onlooker: “She did both legs all the way up to the thighs. It was lovely. Very nice lotioning!”

Speaking of very nice lotioning, you’ll need a bottle beside you when you see Paz de la Huerta nude at MrSkin.com!